I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
