I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
