it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
