i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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