I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
