so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
