i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
