i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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