Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
