I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize