Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
