she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
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Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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