gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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