she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
