He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
