You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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