Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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