better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
