And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
