Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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