y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
