my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
