Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
