I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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