If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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