I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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