dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
