Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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