That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
