I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
