Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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