Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
