TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
