Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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