I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
