using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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