I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
