I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
