i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
this hospital has no fireball
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
