Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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