i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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