Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
