You work out of a Hotel?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
