I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
