This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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