Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
