We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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