You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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