did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
