My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
