actually, I'm a sock model
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
