Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
