I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
