no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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