I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
