I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
