operation harelip BJ is a go
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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