sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
