I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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