the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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