he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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