Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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