It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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