when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize