Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
