I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
